This is Motherhood…

Before having children, we moms have such a skewed perspective of what motherhood would actually be like. We imagine perfect babies and flawless routines… 😏 Nothing like the actual scream machines, vomit spewing, hair tugging angels we’re blessed with. 😱

Motherhood is such a beautiful thing, bad days, and nights included. So why do we seldom show the not so good side? Why are we shamed into silence about sometimes feeling overwhelmed? Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed does not make you a bad mom. It makes you human. I started this blog last year because of the biggest question I would always receive, as a mother. “How do you do it?”

To answer that question, I DON’T KNOW! 🤯 I can tell you that sometimes it takes E-V-E-R-Y-thing in me. I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve prayed and I’m still here, three kids in, figuring it out as I go along. Don’t misconstrue the feeling of being overwhelmed or frustrated at times, with the feeling of regret. These three are my greatest blessings, but every blessing comes with it’s own challenges.

There are days when your child(ren) is/are probably just as frustrated as you are. I think with each of my children I’ve had a day where I’ve just watched them and cried, just for the simple fact that they wouldn’t stop crying. After a good cry, all was well with the world again. On this day I literally cried in the shower. ( https://www.instagram.com/p/BFz-YEGvr_F/ ) It was just soooooooo much to deal with. I can look back and laugh now, but that’s the good part about the bad days, they become a part of awesomely messy memories.

This year, right around my birthday, I came to the realization that I need to make time for me. Pouring your all into others leaves you so drained at times, that you don’t even have enough left for you. It is very important, very imperative, to have a community. A community of moms you can check in with, you can vent to, you can cry with if need be. Trust me, there are more moms going through the same emotions that you may be going through, and keep it to themselves. That’s what causes irreparable damage. Bottling up your emotions never have a good outcome. That pressure builds and when there’s nowhere for it to go.. 🤯🤯🤯

It’s important to take some time. I am so happy with the plethora of moms I am seeing taking that time for themselves, and thinking of other moms in the process. A few days ago a friend of mine posted about her MoM(Me) 💆🏾‍♀️ getaway. (Time for herself) She opened up the question of whether other moms would like to do so as a retreat. So many moms would jump at the opportunity (myself included). It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Don’t let anyone shame you because you may need time to destress as a mom. It’s well deserved.

Check out her post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BiiTbmWnOjv/

So moms… Find someone to talk to. Even a therapist if need be. Embrace all of it! Don’t be ashamed! We’re all trying to navigate motherhood. 🤗🤗🤗

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL MOMS OUT THERE!

Sometimes I just want to sit like this, with an actual glass of wine.

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We feel like this on some days too Squish.

😂😂😂😂😂

🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

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Just embrace it all. A mother’s hands are always full, so is her heart.

🤗

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For a few hours they’re always perfect. Lol

Wouldn’t trade them for the world though!

☺☺☺❤

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Change the Narrative 

H&M… H&M… H&M… 😧😧😧 So yesterday I logged into my IG account and a few scrolls down I came across this picture,  we all know the picture by now, no need for me to add to the numerous times it’s been shared.   When I saw the picture, I smiled and said to myself, “what a cutie pie” his skin caught my attention first,  then my eyes caught his shirt.  😒 Seriously!  WTF?!  I was really offended, but decided to collect my thoughts before I went on a rant.  

Apparently everyone involved with this thought it was cool,  including his mom,  btw.  I can only imagine the amount of departments and hands these ad campaigns have to go through.  Not one? Not one person decided that this was not okay?  🤔  So now it’s out and of course there are people upset about it, me being one of them, but there are also the naysayers.  The ones that apparently don’t see anything wrong, and are upset with the people that are offended.   “It’s just a hoodie.” “His mother doesn’t care. Why should I?”  “Oh it’s not US based H&M, they’re overseas.”  “Y’all are reaching!”  😔😔😔  

It’s sad to me. Here’s why.  Our blackness has been made the butt of every joke.   We have been compared to monkeys, apes, and gorillas  for ages.  Most recently, our former President and his wife, with all their accolades, couldn’t escape those same disgusting jokes.  Now here we are, and this beautiful little boy is used,  unbeknownst to him, as the butt of the joke.  Yes, some monkeys are mischievous little creatures, and they can be cute and cuddly,  but guess what??? That’s not the description when it comes down to us.   The negative connotations associated with monkeys and blackness will never be okay. 

I felt so down for this child, and then this happened.

Found the source: Via @mrchrisclassic on IG

 

The way I smiled when I saw this. 🤗🤗 We are how we see ourselves.  Grab a pen and change the narrative. 

Where Have I Been?! 

     Six months! I’ve been M.I.A for six months! 😲😲😲 So my last post hasn’t been since June,  and here’s why.  LIFE HAPPENS!  Like literally.  Sometimes we mommas get stuck in this mental place.  A place where we are literally struggling to make sure everything is going according to plan.  Keeping kids well rounded, house clean, laundry done, food cooked, husband happy… and the list goes on… All while trying to keep ourselves from going into overdrive and eventually burn out.  

     I have been in that mental space, where I’ve been getting stuff done, but at the same time feeling like nothing was getting done.  The frustration of cleaning and turning around two minutes later to another mess, is something mothers understand all too well.  I’m learning to sometimes just embrace the mess.  No need to be upset with the kids, sometimes they’re just messy little beings. Seeing that my three are at an age where they can clean up after themselves, a lot better than we give them credit for, I’ve started having them take care of their messes when need be.  It’s very liberating when you start to see their cleaning abilities.  Lol

     This place I’ve been in has literally had me stuck. I haven’t been writing as much, crafting as much,  pretty much whatever I was doing for my satisfaction, I wasn’t doing.  My focus had shifted onto everyone else, and I began to feel lost, tired,  and completely overwhelmed.  I am super thankful for my 8 year old.  I’ve always said that she’s an old soul, as if she’s been here before.  She knows just when mommy needs her help a little more than usual,  and she steps into her “mama bear” role.  (A nickname she got when her brother was born.) Our greatest gifts are able to rope us in from that place we go to. My three angels have done that and continue to keep me grounded when I feel like floating away.  

     On this last day of the year 2017 I just wanted to check in with you mommas and let you know that I’m still here,  and I’m glad you’re still here.  This lifetime journey isn’t easy, isn’t always glamorous, but we’re still kicking; some days more fabulously than others.  Lol  Hug your babies, embrace the bad days as much as the good days. Laugh them off,  cry if you have to. Just let it out and let it go.  I love you all! For the new year 2018, find your release, and be at peace. 😙

   

After having children, it’s so easy to forget yourself.  As mothers we become so engrossed in our children, and everyday life, that we forget about ourselves in the process.  It’s okay to be engrossed in them, but we must also remember to take a little time.  Go out on the town, have dinner by yourself, go to the spa, treat yourself to a movie.  Anything that will give some semblance of the person you were before the children.  

My favorite thing to do on a morning, after I drop the kids off to school, is to sit in the driveway when I get home.  It gives me time to mentally prepare myself for the day.  I spend at least ten to fifteen minutes just sitting there.  Either listening to the radio, or sitting in complete silence.  That’s my me time for the day.  Without it, I feel as though I have been going nonstop throughout the day.  

With the realization that we moms tend to forget ourselves sometimes, I have come up with a monthly event called,  “Mom’s Night Out”, beginning in August, for my fellow NYC moms. (Date TBD) This is an event geared strictly for moms to get an hour, or two….or three, away from it all. I would greatly appreciate the input of my fellow moms on this one.  What would you like to do with a few hours away from it all, while hanging with other moms? All suggestions are welcome.  Feel free to leave a comment below. 

As always, thanks for sharing in my journey. 

Remember Yourself Mommy

The main goal of individuals, when deciding to start a family, is to raise their children in the best way possible.  As mothers, we strive for everything, pertaining to our child/ren, to be perfect. From the birth, to the way the child is fed, to the way they should sleep, and the list goes on.  Seldom does it work out the exact way we imagined it.

When it comes to motherhood, we are often painted a picture of blissful perfection. Baby comes, and you live “happily ever after”.  Not!  As a mother of three, I can say that there may be a myriad of meltdown mornings, tantrum afternoons, mood swing evenings, and sleepless nights.  There are so many many wonderful parts of motherhood, that we can talk about forever (I know I can), but what about the not so good parts?

Why are we made to feel guilty when we have a “not so good day”?  Many moms internalize the not so good days out of a fear of being judged. This is why I have started AdenijiChronicles.  A judgement free zone where we, as moms, can address the “good”, the “bad”, and the “ugly”, so to speak.  Motherhood isn’t all glitters and rainbows.  Join me as we chronicle through my motherhood journey.  I hope to help someone along the way with my experiences, and I hope you can help myself, or someone else with yours.

Welcome: Adeniji Chronicles in Bloom